Megan and Emma

The 'jie-jie' asked to carry 'mei mei' at the hospital and was thrilled yet apprehensive at the same time. She mustered the courage to hold the babe, sitting down of course, and didn't dare move an inch the whole time. She has declared herself "the poop-thrower", helping to throw soiled diapers, cringing her face when it's an especially stinky one. She's also my 'fetcher' when I'm stuck at a position with the babe at breast. So far, there are no visible signs of jealousy but we keep reminding ourselves to shower extra attention on her 'just in case'. She loves playing with Emma and constantly declares "she's so cute". My friend Cat told me that when a new baby is born into a family with a sibling, the parents have to shower attention on the sibling, not the newborn...quite true...never thought of it that way...hope her love for her mei mei endures...

Introducing Emma...

God boosted Singapore's diminishing birth population by introducing a new babe into this world...Emma finally arrived at 0635hrs on Thursday, 16 September 2010, weighing 3.31kg, healthy and looking like an exact replica of her older sister Meg when she was born. That was the first thing that struck both MJ and I and if I weren't looking at Meg in front of me, I'd have thought that babe was Meg. What an uncanny similarity! I delivered via C-section, not quite what I'd hoped for, but circumstances were such that it was the best option. My cervix wasn't dilating, even after I was induced, my blood pressure was unusually high, and my body was shaking like jelly after my gynae did an internal examination to determine how dilated I was. He presented three options to me, the first was to wait it out for another 12 hours or so, to see if my cervix opened up, but if it didn't I would still have to deliver via C-section. He wasn't hopeful that it would dilate and I could tell that his preference was to do it swiftly and go with the C. The second was to do the C with epidural and the third, under GA. Although doing the procedure with epidural would've enabled MJ to be in the operating theatre to witness the birth, we decided to go with GA, cos I wasn't sure if I could bear the 'sights and sound's of my tummy being sliced open. It was ultimately my decision to go with the C under GA, and the good doctor prepped himself at 0545hrs ready for surgery, but not before saying a prayer with me and MJ at the delivery suite.
I remember being wheeled into the operating theatre, but not any reassuring parting words from my husband. The view from the bed is exactly like what you see in movies, with the ceiling going past you when you're lying down. The feeling I had at the time is one of fear, uncertainty, great fear. I can't explain it. It was my first surgery and I guess that's part of the reason. I'm not sure if it was cold or just my nerves but I remember distinctively that I was shaking very uncontrollably and I was upset about that. I couldn't stop myself no matter how I tried.
In no time, I was in the operating theatre and again, it's exactly how it's like in the movies and on TV with huge looming lights above, and all the doctors and nurses were unidentifiable as they were all gowned up in operating gear. By this time, shaking like jelly is an understatement. It was like I was having fits. I prayed very very hard to ask the Lord to calm me down, as I realised that the shaking wasn't going to help when they were about to insert the needle into my arm. This part of the procedure was probably the most painless. Everything happened so quickly and the last thing I remembered was the anaesthetist, Dr Ma (who had more than 20 years experience and everyone has woken up under his charge, reassured my doctor) saying, "Have a good sleep"...
I woke up with an awful feeling in my throat. I was probably in the recovery room, as I didn't recognise the place, but then again, I wouldn't have recognised anything as I was in the most drowsy state. All I could muster to the nurse scribbling something next to me was "I need water"...but I was ignored and she said something like "just rest". The next thing I wanted to ask was about the baby, but I drifted back to unconsciousness soon after.
Then I felt myself being wheeled, back to the ward I assumed, with the sounds of another day beginning for the rest of the people along the way. My eyes were shut but I could hear everything. After a rather long journey, I knew I was back in the room, and after things had quietened down, and I heard some noises in the room, I assumed it was MJ there and immediately mustered some strength to ask "How's the baby? Is she normal? Ten fingers ten toes?" MJ thought I was hallucinating as I asked the questions with a drawl and slur in my voice. You'd think that that's the first thing the operating theatre staff would tell you after you've regained consciousness. I mean, it's every mother's first concern if the baby came out alright, normal, etc. Why don't they tell you these things instead of you having to ask?
After MJ realised that my questions made sense, he replied that everything was normal and I was relieved and fell back into stupor. The next thing I knew, the baby was wheeled in to suckle at my breast. I'm not sure how long after my conversation with MJ did this occur but I could finally open my eyes and saw the little babe for the first time. The first thing that came to my mind was "Megan!" I could not believe it.
She suckled well and the rest is a blur.
All I can say is that C-sections are no fun and I would've opted to stick with a natural birth if I'd known. I hadn't read up on having C-sections and that was a mistake. If I'd known what it entailed, I would've waited until a natural birth was a firm non-option, only then would I have gone for the C. It takes longer for one to recover from the C and the pain is probably worse than giving birth naturally. For natural births, the hardest thing after delivery for me was the first pee, but other than that, everything was bearable and the pain was gone in a few days. The pain for the C-section wound took a full 7 days to diminish and there were alot of side effects along the way. A catheter had to be placed in me before the op as I was bed bound after the procedure. There was a huge bandage covering the wound which I was allergic to and developed a bad rash with boils. The rashes gave me such an unbearable itch so I naturally had to scratch it, which then broke the boil which was filled with watery discharge. The scars they left behind are hideous and are still there to this day. They are going to be permanent, I'm afraid.
I had to wear a binder to support my abdomen. This exacerbated the itch and the tightness of the elastic binder kept the area hot and non-ventilated, adding to my already uncomfortable state. All in all, definitely no fun!
Whatever it is, it's all over. Baby Emma is healthy and that's what's important. Every mother would suffer all the pain in the world for their baby...and with God's help, the miracle had finally been born.

E-Day (E for Emma)

The time is near. In a matter of a few hours, my journey over the past nine months will see the light at the end of the tunnel. The past 41 weeks of waiting will finally see some fruition with the arrival of our second daughter...hopefully. My thoughts and feelings over the past few days have been a roller coaster ride. As of today, little Emma is 8 days late. Meg was also 8 days late 7 years ago...the only difference is Meg came out on her own after that time. This little one is still refusing to budge! By tomorrow, she'll be 9 days overdue and Dr Lim has advised that I be induced tomorrow morning.
I have not seen this pregnancy through with the best possible care. I haven't eaten all that well, all that healthily. Nor have I been sleeping well. I've had several major deadlines in the last one to two months and that has added to my stress level and lack of sleep. Although Emma has been very active all this while, much more so than Meg ever was, the guilt has been nagging inside me but of course it's too late to do anything about it now. All I can do now is pray that all is well and she is healthy and normal.
If I'd written this blog yesterday, it would've taken a very depressive tone. My head was full of negative thoughts, of all the possible scenarios that could occur, all bad ones. Today, although I'm still a little scared and nervous about what's going to happen tonight and tomorrow morning, I'm beginning to accept it and am looking forward to Em's arrival, rather than be afraid of it.
I don't want to be induced. Many baby websites I've read have said that the baby will arrive in her own time, and there is no need to induce...but as you can see from the pix above, I'm rather big, and that photo was shot two weeks ago. So I've grown more since then and the longer I wait, the less likely I'm able to give birth naturally. Doc has already warned me that a C-section is highly likely, if my cervix doesn't dilate, but he will try delivering me naturally first. I'm in two minds whether to take epidural or not. I didn't with Meg and I'm scared of needles. The pain was excruciating then, but with tonight's induction, the pain will no doubt be twice as bad. I would still want to try to bear it, but my only fear is that if my body doesn't obey and my cervix doesn't open up, I'd have to suffer the pain and still end up going for a C-section. I will just pray for Him to guide me and help me get through it, whatever the outcome. I prayed that by some miracle, she might arrive yesterday on her own accord, or even today, but there's no sign of that happening yet. I've talked to Emma to coax her to come out, but I guess she's got a mind of her own!
Well the clock is ticking and my goose bumps are appearing...I guess I'll just have to finish up packing and just leave everything in God's hands.

Kite Flying and Other Rantings

I hope these two huge fields in Sengkang stay empty for a long time to come. To hope that it stays vacant forever is wishful thinking. It's just a matter of time before the construction cranes move in and new HDB blocks sprout up in no time. That's the sad reality in Singapore. Anything unspoiled and remotely beautiful will not be left untouched for long. Instead, some kind of artificial intervention in the name of 'conservation' will move in and this act alone already spoils the natural beauty of the place. Case in point: the hot springs at Sembawang. I'd forgotten about this gem until MJ reminded me about it. A natural spring of hot steamy water has been reduced to a concrete platform with taps dispensing the hot spring water. It's like taking a beautiful verse of poetry and turning it to commercial prose so that the masses can 'understand' it. So instead of letting people appreciate nature as it is, we have to be 'taught' in a way some highly paid official trying to justify his or her pay by coming up with such sterile solution deems fit as a solution to what they perceive as a clever way to 'conserve' an area. I shudder whenever I hear that an area has been 'earmarked for conservation' because that to me means that artificiality will set in and the essence of the place will surely be lost. Look at the new Marina Bay promenade or the double helix bridge that leads to the Marina Bay Sands IR. there is just one word that comes to mind: ARTIFICIAL. It reminds me of a Chinaman who has his well-gelled hair plastered to his head, not a strand out of place. Neat, sculptured, organised and mostly nice to look at. I must admit I was quite impressed with the entire area when I first saw it, with a commanding skyline to boot but the true test of a place is whether it endures and I regret to say that it doesn't in my books. The worrying thing is that the architects behind these developments are giving themselves a pat on each other's backs, congratulating themselves on a job well done but at the end of the day, the key element that's missing is SOUL.

Spot the upside down spider.
That's our penguin kite in the sky.

So back to the field in Sengkang. There were about 50-70 kites of all shapes and sizes flying in the clear blue sky earlier this evening. It was quite a sight but the effect was lost when I tried to photograph it. So I didn't try very hard. It's quite a carefree feeling to fly a kite in a great big open field, albeit a muddy one from the earlier downpour. It's a fun filled activity and definitely very healthy for family bonding. Families should be able to go down to the field as and when they want to, to engage in whatever activities that a simple empty space will fulfill. No need for fancy boardwalks or sculpted grass. Just pure, raw nature is what we want and need. Please don't take that away from us! But as I said, it's wishful thinking in Singapore.

Meg the aspiring photographer.The man on the right helped us hook up our kite. In the olden days, people knew how to build their own kites. These days, we don't even know how to hook the line to it!Ah...finally got it into the air.
Not sure if Meg was trying to spot little butterflies here or trying to avoid the muddy spots.

Jurong Birdpark

In my attempt to try to induce labour by walking, Meg and I went to the birdpark with Chang and Rhian yesterday. We spent half the day there and the weather was perfect even though it threatened to rain in the morning. We started off the visit with a rather entertaining bird show at 10am and the highlight for me was watching the magnificent birds soar low, just over the heads of the audience, wings spread like they're about to devour their prey in a swift swoop. There were a few foolish and ignorant people who actually raised their hands to try to touch the birds as they flew above them. These are predator birds like vultures, eagles and hawks and unless these people want to lose part of their hands, they'd do well to keep their hands to themselves. On the whole it was a nice day, not too tiring and the two girls enjoyed themselves I think!
This is supposedly the largest man-made waterfall in the region at 30m.
Feeding the lories at the Lory Loft with a special nectar mixture at $3 a cup. It's quite a treat when a group of them flock to you at the same time, as it makes for a wonderful photo!

Long Time No Blog...

7, my favourite number, but more importantly, the age my daughter hit at the end of July. As her birthday fell on a Friday, and she had a packed day of classes on Saturday, namely swimming, thinking and art classes, we took her to Changi Airport after Catechism class to have a dessert.
It's been awhile...Quite a lot has happened since June...but I haven't had the time nor will to blog about it. A quick rundown: Meg turned 7 at the end of July, Sumiko got married, I met a major deadline at the end of August, the inaugural Youth Olympic Games (YOG) is finally over and as I type this, I'm awaiting the birth of my second daughter.
We decided to celebrate Meg's birthday this year, and picked Ben & Jerry's ice cream place for her party. We invited about 15 friends to her party, mostly girls, except for James.
Our little girl is growing up!!!